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Consciously doing what opens and softens your spouse's heart will benefit you both in the long-run and keep your marriage happier.

"This is nothing compared to the long lines during the oil crisis," I say to my husband, Bronson, as he pulls into a particularly crowded Mobil station near the Holland Tunnel. Or could it be caused by something as shallow and immediate as a woman's not wanting anyone to think her date is her younger brother or, God help us, her son?

After 12 increasingly dreary years capped by a wrenching divorce, I couldn't imagine why women in my situation (childless divorcées) complained about the prospect of reentering single life. Wasn't finally having some laughs, romance, and excitement the way to take the "crisis" out of "midlife"?

Parties, rock concerts, nightclubs—I dated the way I should have when I was younger: for fun, without an eye toward marriage. During that time, when I was in my late 30s, I made an important sociological discovery: Men over 40 are profoundly different from those under 35, and it's not just their hairlines.

When it comes to gender roles and the division of labor, you're better off with a man whose mother has already fought the big battles for you.

I was married once before, to a man five years my senior.

Anything you serve, however clumsily, is going to be greeted with unbelievable enthusiasm.

Home cooking was something Bronson always hoped to experience, not The Way Things Used to Be.

When you are in denial about your part in the relationship, then you are no better than a child flinging sand at another child in a sandbox.

When you take responsibility for your part in the marriage, only then will you be able to connect with your partner in a mature, intimate way.

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